“There is no such thing as one day millionaire. But, there is such thing as a GOOD ACTS OF HABITS that can make billionaires.”
“Do it not just to please others. Do it because you love yourself doing it.”
“We are challenged to become instrument of peace and justice though there are moments that it seems justice and peace could not prevail.”
The Philippines is a fast growing population. However, inclusive on that numbers are the 14 millions of solo parents out of the total population of the country’s 94 million in 2007. And this year, it is expected by the National Philippines Statistics to grow to a total of 20 million solo parents.
To be a single parent is a truthful condition of so many women who have to be admired for their courage to raise their children amidst the difficulties they face.
I had a friend who had been a single mom for 17 years and was able to raise her two children with good discipline and positive outlook in life. Her name is Gee. I think there are a lot of things we can learn from people like her. We only need to listen to their life stories.
She got pregnant with her first child at the age of 22. A thought of finally finding her true prince charming but has been destroyed for the man left her. She then focused her life of racing the child. After 10 years, she again found another man to love, that love created another child. The child will be the second. But, unlike fairy tales it has not ended with the line “they live happily ever after.”
Well, maybe the right person has not come yet to her side to stay forever with her.
What are the most difficult experiences as a single mother?
She shared that it was difficult for her on having a regular income at those days. Financial stability was one of the difficulties she had to experience. Her mind was divided between her work and taking care for the child. To consider also that all the worked offered to her are all to be assigned to a far places. She could not imagine living her child.
To be a mother and a father at the same time, wow, one has to be a superhero. It is astonishing to know a person that can handle a double faced role. This was the difficult for her to act as a mother and a father at the same time. She has to delegate her daughter to act as a mother and she will act as a father.
Lastly, she experience difficulty on managing her time. As a single woman, mother and a worker, there are so many various demands that ask from these roles. Dividing your time is indeed difficult. But, maybe at the long run one will be used to it.
Thus, she shared 5 tips on how to survive as a single parent based on her experience.
Positive life perspective. She said that no matter how difficult her situation being a single mother, she had to see life positively. She had to avoid thinking to herself as a failure. Rather, she had to view her life as a new challenge to overcome and succeed. It is a chance of turning a difficulty into an opportunity in life. And, see your children as precious gifts from God. Do not imprison yourself in the room. Live life. Be sociable because we cannot rewind what happens. But, we can play life for it offers magnificent surprises that mold you to a courageous and stronger person.
Make your children your inspiration and your center. A newbie as a single parent often would have a feeling of frustrations and anger that sometimes is channeled towards the child or their children. She said that if you will not make you children your inspiration, then, who will? Making your children the focus of your life is teaching molding your child to live and feel loved and important.
Have a strong family support. Strong family ties are very essential to help you go through all the hardships and difficulties you face in life. You are assured that one of your family members either you mother, father, brother, sister or a friend can be there with you at all time. They are also the persons who can give you advices are your life and might help you keep on going.
Consider tight budgeting. This is a very practical tip. Sometimes, single women still think they are single with no child to feed. Be wise in spending and prioritize what is necessary for you and for your child.
Do find quality time for yourself. With all the stress and frustrations, releasing them is important for survival. Sometimes you have your quality time for yourself. Here we are not saying that you forget your children and your quality time for them. We are speaking of yourself because you cannot deny you also feel how to be tired. Unwind and free your mind with all the worries by going to beach, travel abroad, watch movie, go to a massage or go to a parlor. Reward yourself for being a SUPERMOM.
To be a single parent is not easy but fulfilling.
Let’s face it. Life is not a magical story of a fairy tale which we see on televisions. I am not a prince charming nor you are sleeping beauty waiting for the kiss of a true love. Truth is we are born through pain.
Yet, this does not mean we become pessimistic on life neither in its entirety.
You see, we are often aggressive especially when we experience relationships failures. This affects our decision-making that leads to quarrel, shattered friendship or to its worst-separation, divorce or annulment for married couples.
Why remain and not just leave?
It is a logical question. However, I can put it this way, “Why leave and not remain?”
Are you afraid of facing the pain and truth? Are you afraid of admitting in yourself that you had a part on what’s happening in your life? Are you afraid of yourself?
Turning our back to our life hardships or relationships failures is always not the answer. Turning our back is not making space to think; it is creating emptiness in our hearts letting anger or hatred control us. Turning our back is not seeking peace; it is rather consenting to our ego who wants revenge. Turning our back does not answer our heartaches and pains; it rather produces more unanswered questions.
A relative of mine happened to eat with me in the table. We talked about how the married life of her son has been put into crisis. She asked me, “What will I do? Will I continue my plan on leaving my son and letting him feel how difficult it is to have no one to depend on or will ever support?”
I told her to remain. Her son needed her much more than ever at these times.
You’ll see, no matter how fast are we from running away to our problems, eventually, we become tired and have to face that problem. When it comes, we realize that we have less time to amend our failures.
To remain means to have a listening heart. Sometimes, in a relationship either in married life or in friendships communication is important. But, not just a simple communication, it is a compassionate communication.
To remain means you are there ready to be present and be depended in whatever way could be. Remember how married couples vowed to love each other in good times and bad time; for bitter and for worst. Friendships stay long because they remain in goodness and bitterness of their life experiences. Two is always better than one.
Is it not by remaining we are enabled to see who is our priority? It is giving importance. Gaps in whatever or whichever relationship you are into happens because we give less importance to each other. We forget the importance of the other in our life. Loving is basically giving importance to the person you love.
So, “Why leave and not remain?”