How to Survive as a Single Mom

How to Survive as a Single Mom

The Philippines is a fast growing population. However, inclusive on that numbers are the 14 millions of solo parents out of the total population of the country’s 94 million in 2007. And this year, it is expected by the National Philippines Statistics to grow to a total of 20 million solo parents.

To be a single parent is a truthful condition of so many women who have to be admired for their courage to raise their children amidst the difficulties they face.

I had a friend who had been a single mom for 17 years and was able to raise her two children with good discipline and positive outlook in life. Her name is Gee. I think there are a lot of things we can learn from people like her. We only need to listen to their life stories.

She got pregnant with her first child at the age of 22. A thought of finally finding her true prince charming but has been destroyed for the man left her. She then focused her life of racing the child. After 10 years, she again found another man to love, that love created another child. The child will be the second. But, unlike fairy tales it has not ended with the line “they live happily ever after.”

Well, maybe the right person has not come yet to her side to stay forever with her.

What are the most difficult experiences as a single mother?

She shared that it was difficult for her on having a regular income at those days. Financial stability was one of the difficulties she had to experience. Her mind was divided between her work and taking care for the child. To consider also that all the worked offered to her are all to be assigned to a far places. She could not imagine living her child.

To be a mother and a father at the same time, wow, one has to be a superhero. It is astonishing to know a person that can handle a double faced role. This was the difficult for her to act as a mother and a father at the same time. She has to delegate her daughter to act as a mother and she will act as a father.

Lastly, she experience difficulty on managing her time. As a single woman, mother and a worker, there are so many various demands that ask from these roles. Dividing your time is indeed difficult. But, maybe at the long run one will be used to it.

Thus, she shared 5 tips on how to survive as a single parent based on her experience.

Positive life perspective. She said that no matter how difficult her situation being a single mother, she had to see life positively. She had to avoid thinking to herself as a failure. Rather, she had to view her life as a new challenge to overcome and succeed.  It is a chance of turning a difficulty into an opportunity in life. And, see your children as precious gifts from God. Do not imprison yourself in the room. Live life. Be sociable because we cannot rewind what happens. But, we can play life for it offers magnificent surprises that mold you to a courageous and stronger person.

Make your children your inspiration and your center. A newbie as a single parent often would have a feeling of frustrations and anger that sometimes is channeled             towards the child or their children. She said that if you will not make you children your inspiration, then, who will? Making your children the focus of your life is teaching molding your child to live and feel loved and important.

Have a strong family support. Strong family ties are very essential to help you go through all the hardships and difficulties you face in life. You are assured that one of your family members either you mother, father, brother, sister or a friend can be there with you at all time. They are also the persons who can give you advices are your life and might help you keep on going.

Consider tight budgeting. This is a very practical tip. Sometimes, single women still think they are single with no child to feed. Be wise in spending and prioritize what is necessary for you and for your child.

Do find quality time for yourself. With all the stress and frustrations, releasing them is important for survival. Sometimes you have your quality time for yourself. Here we are not saying that you forget your children and your quality time for them. We are speaking of yourself because you cannot deny you also feel how to be tired. Unwind and free your mind with all the worries by going to beach, travel abroad, watch movie, go to a massage or go to a parlor. Reward yourself for being a SUPERMOM.

To be a single parent is not easy but fulfilling.

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Why remain and not just leave?

Why remain and not just leave

Let’s face it. Life is not a magical story of a fairy tale which we see on televisions. I am not a prince charming nor you are sleeping beauty waiting for the kiss of a true love. Truth is we are born through pain.

Yet, this does not mean we become pessimistic on life neither in its entirety.

You see, we are often aggressive especially when we experience relationships failures. This affects our decision-making that leads to quarrel, shattered friendship or to its worst-separation, divorce or annulment for married couples.

Why remain and not just leave?

It is a logical question. However, I can put it this way, “Why leave and not remain?”

Are you afraid of facing the pain and truth? Are you afraid of admitting in yourself that you had a part on what’s happening in your life? Are you afraid of yourself?

Turning our back to our life hardships or relationships failures is always not the answer. Turning our back is not making space to think; it is creating emptiness in our hearts letting anger or hatred control us. Turning our back is not seeking peace; it is rather consenting to our ego who wants revenge. Turning our back does not answer our heartaches and pains; it rather produces more unanswered questions.

A relative of mine happened to eat with me in the table. We talked about how the married life of her son has been put into crisis. She asked me, “What will I do? Will I continue my plan on leaving my son and letting him feel how difficult it is to have no one to depend on or will ever support?”

I told her to remain. Her son needed her much more than ever at these times.

You’ll see, no matter how fast are we from running away to our problems, eventually, we become tired and have to face that problem. When it comes, we realize that we have less time to amend our failures.

To remain means to have a listening heart. Sometimes, in a relationship either in married life or in friendships communication is important. But, not just a simple communication, it is a compassionate communication.

To remain means you are there ready to be present and be depended in whatever way could be. Remember how married couples vowed to love each other in good times and bad time; for bitter and for worst. Friendships stay long because they remain in goodness and bitterness of their life experiences. Two is always better than one.

Is  it not by remaining we are enabled to see who is our priority? It is giving importance. Gaps in whatever or whichever relationship you are into happens because we give less importance to each other. We forget the importance of the other in our life.  Loving is basically giving importance to the person you love.

So, “Why leave and not remain?”

Get Direction! How to use Spiritual Quotient in a Technological World

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Let’s face it. We have all met people who are emotionally intelligent; who can recognize, understand and influence others emotions. Not just amazingly smart but do have self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and excellent social skills.

For sure, you knew someone and can name several in your workplace.

But, haven’t you notice, there were emotionally intelligent people leading in their field of work that lost direction?

Like the manager you look up because of how he manage the team to develop, be competitive and work together, lost meaning of what his doing for all his life?

Actors who have been great inspiration to others life, with great work, with good millions of income, good relationship suddenly commits suicide.

Meaning. Direction. Purpose.

It seems that there is a missing piece of a puzzle.

A missing piece of intelligence “with which we heal ourselves and make ourselves whole again”, we call it SPIRITUAL QUOTIENT or SPIRITUAL INTELLEGENCE.

What is Spiritual Intelligence?

It was Danah Zohar who coined the term “spiritual intelligence” and introduced the idea to her book. Steven Covey also speaks of Spiritual Intelligence as “the central and most fundamental intelligences, because it becomes the source of guidance for the others.”

Spiritual Intelligence is an ability to access higher meanings, values, abiding purposes and unconscious aspects of the self and to embed these meaning, values, and purpose in living a richer and more creative life.

It is having a visionary leader.

The likes of Churchill, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Mother Teresa are the few names and persona who’s secret in their life and leadership was their ability to inspire people and give them sense of something worth to struggle for.

Why Spiritual Quotient matters?

In a world were technological advancement, materialism, narrow self-centeredness, lack of meaning and less committed, we become spiritually dumb.

Just by hearing the word “spiritual”, we become irritated and we relate it immediately with religion. But, it is not, because with or without the presence of religion we are spiritual beings. We are beings who seek for a direction in life, who has the capacity to heal ourselves of all the resentment, capable of finding meaning in our experiences and see ourselves as an expression of a higher reality.

Here are few principles to consider:

  1. Self-Awareness: Knowing what I believe in and value, and what deeply motivates me
  2. Spontaneity: Living in and being responsive to the moment
  3. Being Vision- and Value-Led: Acting from principles and deep beliefs, and living accordingly
  4. Holism: Seeing larger patterns, relationships, and connections; having a sense of belonging
  5. Compassion: Having the quality of “feeling-with” and deep empathy
  6. Celebration of Diversity: Valuing other people for their differences, not despite them
  7. Field Independence: Standing against the crowd and having one’s own convictions
  8.  Humility: Having the sense of being a player in a larger drama, of one’s true place in the world
  9.  Tendency to Ask Fundamental “Why?” Questions: Needing to understand things and get to the bottom of them
  10. Ability to Reframe: Standing back from a situation or problem and seeing the bigger picture; seeing problems in a wider context
  11. Positive Use of Adversity: Learning and growing from mistakes, setbacks, and suffering
  12.  Sense of Vocation: Feeling called upon to serve, to give something back

How to Deal a Backstabber at Work

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No matter how you build positive relationship with your co-workers someone is not happy about you.  Someone will one time make your life miserable. Backstabber do make ones life miserable if we let them.

To work in a prominent company who is leading on food service is by itself a privilege.  But,  someone missed me up that made me decide to resign my position as a restaurant manager.

A backstabber hit me hard that I was left deeply disturb and frustrated.

You know what this backstabber do?  She would speak ill things about me and destroyed my credibility to my area managers especially in their meetings broadcasting my failures.  The saddest part was that I learn all her rants about me from other fellow managers.  Take note everyday we talk, meet and discuss things with each other at the office in building the team strongly.  She was indeed a silent killer and best of her craft to destroy.

What if this happens to you or had already happened to you being back stab,  what will you do? How would you feel?

Often,  knowing that we were betrayed, we would rant,  shout and sometimes resort to physical revenge or set our mind of returning back the pain.

Here are the things you could do in surviving against backstabbers from pick lessons I’ve got with my own experience.

Listen.  Know why that person would intentionally destroy you.  Jot down all the negative stuff he or she will throw at you.  Often because of our compulsive thought and feelings for revenge and aggressiveness,  we fail to listen.

Feed Back. Look at yourself in front of the mirror and ask yourself what others dislikes about me.  Ask people around you in the workplace what they dislike and like about you.  If people have the same impression on you and if most of it are negative better change that attitude. It also widens the circle of people or co-worker who would wanted to make friends with you because of your openness for feedback to help you improve in your work at the workplace.

Confront the backstabber.  If you are a straightforward person, talk to the person one on one. Ask him or her why shes doing that to you. Ask him or her if you can work together without destroying its other.

Treat him like a passing wind.  This is fir people who are not courageous to confront directly the person or is afraid because the backstabber is superior in position than you. When the backstabber in the workplace comes or passes by ignore his or her presence.  And,  continue what you are doing.  Just be careful because the more you ignore them the more they wanted to be recognize and pissed you up.

 Think positive.  Sometimes our anger lingers long and when we see the person who back stab you, you become irritated.  So,  think funny thoughts or jokes to lighten your mind and lighten your work.

Spit it out.  Talk about why you are angry to the backstabber until you are satisfied.  Do this with your most trusted friends.  To loosen up negative thoughts and energy towards co-workers, a need to spit it out.


Take note.  Keeping a record of people who are backstabber can help you find strategies on how to relate with them individually.

All of this we hope that our workplace can become a team who aims for a progress of everyone working.  If we do cat fight, together we fail from our aims and desires of success in life.  It is because successful people have no time to destroy each other.  But they have the time to lend a hand to help other to succeed like them.  How do you deal with backstabber?

How to celebrate Labor Day!

Popped-up Notes

Hi there friends,

Today is labor day.

Sometimes we are exhausted of all the rallies that are  constantly happening during labor day commemoration. But, we respect them for whatever cause they want to express.

Can we not have a labor day of positive thought and events without rallies and pickets in the streets.

Here are the ways to celebrate it.

Treat yourself. If you have been working hard in your life or in the past days give yourself a reward for being a hardworking person. Nonetheless, it is our bodies that enables us to do such surmountable and great jobs. you can have a massage, watch a movie, go to a party, drink a beer with friend or go to a beach and indulge yourself.

Say Thank you. Sometimes we feel insecure in our work place because we less receive complements or positive feedback. Is it not much helpful if we give thanks to ourselves? Is it not self uplifting? there are time that we ourselves have to thank personally ourselves. And, say thank you to your house helper, to your house boy, to the gardener, to the deliveryman, to the newspaper boy, to your cook and everyone who made your life moving and living. A little words of kindness and thankfulness could make the whole world a better place.

Give gifts to people who influence and help you become better in your profession and as a person. Tangible things can be moving to people who unexpectedly received it. It also recognizes their person as a big influence in you life.

Pray for those who suffers injustice, maltreatment and discrimination in their jobs. There are instances that millions of workers suffers everyday yet continue on working for them to live. with our prayers, we express our solidarity with them.

Hope you learn something. Please leave comments or additional suggestions to improve our listing.

“As we celebrate Labor Day, we honor the men and women who fought tirelessly for workers’ rights, which are so critical to our strong and successful labor force.”

Elizabeth Esty

What is the Source of All Things? 

the thinkerThe 21st century is a golden age of scientific development in terms of scientific discoveries,  research, delicate technological advancement. It opens us to the possibility of life outside Earth.

Humans were able to reach the moon, orbit the planet or send robots to other neighboring planets to our planetary system.

As a result of this progress,  today the prevailing question is, “Where are we from?” Our search does not constraints us only on where we stand. It offers us the challenge to throw our vision to the vast horizon of the universe.

What is the source of all things? It is still a relevant question.

Greek civilization who thrive in the ancient times had also embarked to there quest in finding answers and explaining the nature of things. Somehow, we have to credit them for pioneering the quest for of what is the source of all things.

With experience and keen observation on mundane events and daily phenomenon, they arrived at something convincing.

Water. When we cry, water comes out.  When we sweat or perspire, water is released.  When we urinate, water is excreted.  We need water when we are thirsty.  We need water when we are dehydrated  Even our own blood is water that made us living beings.  Water when heated will evaporate but will become again as rain.

The Earth is itself filled with the abundance of water.  In Africa, where water is scarce, it is consider key element for survival.  To Filipinos water is important because they are frequently taking their bath. In almost facet of human life that pertains to survival and necessity, water is at the pedestal.

Thales believed that water is the source of all things.  But,  this answer is a breakthrough during Thales time and set the motion of our quest for science, knowledge and wisdom.  Just by observing the phenomenon on whats happening around him that lead him to conclude that water is the nature if everything.  His endeavor also served as the first attempt on explaining nature in a single principle which is called monism. But,  more than all of this,  Thales has made the first serve in history of philosophical exchanges.  He put a theory that others could examine and debate and provided rational grounds for speculations.

Though in the 21st century we do not consider water as the sole nature of things.  We, however,  consider it vital for survival and sustenance of the human race and of Earth in entirety.