Why remain and not just leave?

Why remain and not just leave

Let’s face it. Life is not a magical story of a fairy tale which we see on televisions. I am not a prince charming nor you are sleeping beauty waiting for the kiss of a true love. Truth is we are born through pain.

Yet, this does not mean we become pessimistic on life neither in its entirety.

You see, we are often aggressive especially when we experience relationships failures. This affects our decision-making that leads to quarrel, shattered friendship or to its worst-separation, divorce or annulment for married couples.

Why remain and not just leave?

It is a logical question. However, I can put it this way, “Why leave and not remain?”

Are you afraid of facing the pain and truth? Are you afraid of admitting in yourself that you had a part on what’s happening in your life? Are you afraid of yourself?

Turning our back to our life hardships or relationships failures is always not the answer. Turning our back is not making space to think; it is creating emptiness in our hearts letting anger or hatred control us. Turning our back is not seeking peace; it is rather consenting to our ego who wants revenge. Turning our back does not answer our heartaches and pains; it rather produces more unanswered questions.

A relative of mine happened to eat with me in the table. We talked about how the married life of her son has been put into crisis. She asked me, “What will I do? Will I continue my plan on leaving my son and letting him feel how difficult it is to have no one to depend on or will ever support?”

I told her to remain. Her son needed her much more than ever at these times.

You’ll see, no matter how fast are we from running away to our problems, eventually, we become tired and have to face that problem. When it comes, we realize that we have less time to amend our failures.

To remain means to have a listening heart. Sometimes, in a relationship either in married life or in friendships communication is important. But, not just a simple communication, it is a compassionate communication.

To remain means you are there ready to be present and be depended in whatever way could be. Remember how married couples vowed to love each other in good times and bad time; for bitter and for worst. Friendships stay long because they remain in goodness and bitterness of their life experiences. Two is always better than one.

Is  it not by remaining we are enabled to see who is our priority? It is giving importance. Gaps in whatever or whichever relationship you are into happens because we give less importance to each other. We forget the importance of the other in our life.  Loving is basically giving importance to the person you love.

So, “Why leave and not remain?”

Advertisements

Get Direction! How to use Spiritual Quotient in a Technological World

download

Let’s face it. We have all met people who are emotionally intelligent; who can recognize, understand and influence others emotions. Not just amazingly smart but do have self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and excellent social skills.

For sure, you knew someone and can name several in your workplace.

But, haven’t you notice, there were emotionally intelligent people leading in their field of work that lost direction?

Like the manager you look up because of how he manage the team to develop, be competitive and work together, lost meaning of what his doing for all his life?

Actors who have been great inspiration to others life, with great work, with good millions of income, good relationship suddenly commits suicide.

Meaning. Direction. Purpose.

It seems that there is a missing piece of a puzzle.

A missing piece of intelligence “with which we heal ourselves and make ourselves whole again”, we call it SPIRITUAL QUOTIENT or SPIRITUAL INTELLEGENCE.

What is Spiritual Intelligence?

It was Danah Zohar who coined the term “spiritual intelligence” and introduced the idea to her book. Steven Covey also speaks of Spiritual Intelligence as “the central and most fundamental intelligences, because it becomes the source of guidance for the others.”

Spiritual Intelligence is an ability to access higher meanings, values, abiding purposes and unconscious aspects of the self and to embed these meaning, values, and purpose in living a richer and more creative life.

It is having a visionary leader.

The likes of Churchill, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Mother Teresa are the few names and persona who’s secret in their life and leadership was their ability to inspire people and give them sense of something worth to struggle for.

Why Spiritual Quotient matters?

In a world were technological advancement, materialism, narrow self-centeredness, lack of meaning and less committed, we become spiritually dumb.

Just by hearing the word “spiritual”, we become irritated and we relate it immediately with religion. But, it is not, because with or without the presence of religion we are spiritual beings. We are beings who seek for a direction in life, who has the capacity to heal ourselves of all the resentment, capable of finding meaning in our experiences and see ourselves as an expression of a higher reality.

Here are few principles to consider:

  1. Self-Awareness: Knowing what I believe in and value, and what deeply motivates me
  2. Spontaneity: Living in and being responsive to the moment
  3. Being Vision- and Value-Led: Acting from principles and deep beliefs, and living accordingly
  4. Holism: Seeing larger patterns, relationships, and connections; having a sense of belonging
  5. Compassion: Having the quality of “feeling-with” and deep empathy
  6. Celebration of Diversity: Valuing other people for their differences, not despite them
  7. Field Independence: Standing against the crowd and having one’s own convictions
  8.  Humility: Having the sense of being a player in a larger drama, of one’s true place in the world
  9.  Tendency to Ask Fundamental “Why?” Questions: Needing to understand things and get to the bottom of them
  10. Ability to Reframe: Standing back from a situation or problem and seeing the bigger picture; seeing problems in a wider context
  11. Positive Use of Adversity: Learning and growing from mistakes, setbacks, and suffering
  12.  Sense of Vocation: Feeling called upon to serve, to give something back

How to Deal a Backstabber at Work

Writing inspiration

No matter how you build positive relationship with your co-workers someone is not happy about you.  Someone will one time make your life miserable. Backstabber do make ones life miserable if we let them.

To work in a prominent company who is leading on food service is by itself a privilege.  But,  someone missed me up that made me decide to resign my position as a restaurant manager.

A backstabber hit me hard that I was left deeply disturb and frustrated.

You know what this backstabber do?  She would speak ill things about me and destroyed my credibility to my area managers especially in their meetings broadcasting my failures.  The saddest part was that I learn all her rants about me from other fellow managers.  Take note everyday we talk, meet and discuss things with each other at the office in building the team strongly.  She was indeed a silent killer and best of her craft to destroy.

What if this happens to you or had already happened to you being back stab,  what will you do? How would you feel?

Often,  knowing that we were betrayed, we would rant,  shout and sometimes resort to physical revenge or set our mind of returning back the pain.

Here are the things you could do in surviving against backstabbers from pick lessons I’ve got with my own experience.

Listen.  Know why that person would intentionally destroy you.  Jot down all the negative stuff he or she will throw at you.  Often because of our compulsive thought and feelings for revenge and aggressiveness,  we fail to listen.

Feed Back. Look at yourself in front of the mirror and ask yourself what others dislikes about me.  Ask people around you in the workplace what they dislike and like about you.  If people have the same impression on you and if most of it are negative better change that attitude. It also widens the circle of people or co-worker who would wanted to make friends with you because of your openness for feedback to help you improve in your work at the workplace.

Confront the backstabber.  If you are a straightforward person, talk to the person one on one. Ask him or her why shes doing that to you. Ask him or her if you can work together without destroying its other.

Treat him like a passing wind.  This is fir people who are not courageous to confront directly the person or is afraid because the backstabber is superior in position than you. When the backstabber in the workplace comes or passes by ignore his or her presence.  And,  continue what you are doing.  Just be careful because the more you ignore them the more they wanted to be recognize and pissed you up.

 Think positive.  Sometimes our anger lingers long and when we see the person who back stab you, you become irritated.  So,  think funny thoughts or jokes to lighten your mind and lighten your work.

Spit it out.  Talk about why you are angry to the backstabber until you are satisfied.  Do this with your most trusted friends.  To loosen up negative thoughts and energy towards co-workers, a need to spit it out.


Take note.  Keeping a record of people who are backstabber can help you find strategies on how to relate with them individually.

All of this we hope that our workplace can become a team who aims for a progress of everyone working.  If we do cat fight, together we fail from our aims and desires of success in life.  It is because successful people have no time to destroy each other.  But they have the time to lend a hand to help other to succeed like them.  How do you deal with backstabber?

How I Manage My Anger

Crossroadsandall

Mismanaged anger is destructive towards other people and to me as a person. Managed anger, on one hand, is self-healing.

This is what I have learned after an outburst of anger or let’s says impatience.

I was uploading an article for my blog yesterday through my phone. I started uploading it around 8 am in the morning.

So, I waited.

But, it was already 8:30 pm of the evening and nothing has been uploaded. The whole day I kept on pressing the button “try again” trying to be patient. Until I came to my tipping point, I picked my phone, put it on my palm and hold it like crumpling a piece of paper. I heard a “tick” sound and realized that my phone has been broken by me.

Anger doesn’t excuse anyone. There will be time that you cannot contain your emotions and you simply tip off.  Its either you throw tangible things you picked around you or you shout at persons you are angry with. Anger moment could happen anytime, anywhere. The question is, “How are you going to manage anger?”

Recalling my past experiences of my anger moment and people who happened to get angry with me, here are some tips that have helped me manage my anger.

  1. Stop Look and Listen. Just like driving a car, you have to be aware of the traffic signs ahead. This signs will teach you to stop when you are angry. Do not talk, speak, stare nor throw anything when you are in the height of anger. It reminds you to look around and to yourself of how you are behaving. Look at yourself and ask, “Am I acting professionally?” It calms you to listen to people. Isn’t it that there are several crimes committed by people while driving? Anger drives them nuts and no one knows humility when anger strikes. It is like the holes of their ears have earplugs that prevent them from hearing each other rationally.

  1. Become aware of the reason. Ask yourself, “Why am I angry?” By doing that, it helps you become aware of the very reason of your anger. It also helps you pacify yourself and think rationally. This can be a chance to consider understanding the point of the person you are angry at. There are instances that what we think we have the right to be angry but we are simply overreacting on certain issues.

  1. Speak: clear, firm and straight. We are sociable beings and speaking is our nature. We communicate. We dialog to each other. Often, it is just a matter of expressing yourself clearly towards other people of your point that understanding can be achieved. There is no need to shout. Shouting is not speaking, by the way. Speak the reason of your anger directly towards the person. And not to those who are not involved in the matter, it will incinerate more to the fire if you do otherwise.

  1. Get to the heart/Recognize your emotion. Anger is all about emotions and your heart is a key part of your body. Express you feeling. Cry if you want. Embrace. Until your heart is satisfy and empty of that hatred within you. It is health beneficial especially to those who have heart problems. So, when your angry, put your palm over your chest and say, “All is well.” Take breath-in and breath-out several times until you are calm.

  1. Walk around the room. When I am very angry and I feel my body is very hot. I walk around the room to release the stress I am feeling and the boost of energy that my body is creating. It is also a way of diverting your energy from anger to walking. Two benefits, you are calming down and you have your unplanned exercise. But, do not talk or speak.

  1. Ask a friend or an officemate to make jokes/ Find a friend that by looking at his or her face you will laugh or could help you forget your anger. I always prove it effective that a little amount of happy thoughts/feelings can crash an entire army of angry emotions.

There you go.

Managing your anger is up to you. A simple breath-in and breath-out could work for you or maybe a friend who can easily make you laugh and help you forgets your anger. In which ways, do not let anger control you.

6 Tips on How to Become a Vegetarian

Presentation1

At first glance, vegetarianism is simple, “Do not eat animal meat.”

However, below the surface, vegetarianism has something more. It is about lifestyle, discipline, motivation, personal advocacy, our pursuits and the controlled will to resist any temptation of meat.

I am not a vegetarian yet and haven’t encountered in person a man who is a vegetarian. But, I was inspired by a co-worker who vowed to not to eat pig meat in his life. What pushes me to really get into vegetarianism is the fact that a doctor told me last 2016 to be careful on my body and on what I eat.

In my research, I discover 4 kinds of vegetarian diets.

  1. Lacto-ovo vegetarians– there people the diet of eating milk products such as milk, cheese and yogurt and eggs but not meat from poultry, seafood or fish.
  2. Lacto-vegetarians- these people eat milk products but not eggs, meat, poultry, seafood or fish.
  3. Vegans- these people are the total vegetarians. They eat only plant foods. They don’t eat food that comes from animals including milk products, eggs, honey and gelatin.
  4. Semi-vegetarian- these people follow the vegetarian diets but sometimes eat meat, poultry, seafood, fish and eggs.

Which one are you among these?

As a newbie and a wanna be vegetarian, I am always tempted to eat meat even how I resist, seriously.

Here in the Philippines, culturally, fiesta is always on the calendar. And, meat is always on the menu at any table. Even a simple celebration meat is inevitably present. No meat in the menu list is a no-no here in fiesta celebrations. Carnivorous.

My struggle is real.

So. Here are the tips on how to become a vegetarian.

  1. Expect that everyone will not understand your new diet. Based on my experience, when I started declining the offers to eat meat, they are somehow taken aback and perplexed to my recent attitude. They will say that you have change and become choosy. But, just keep on. Never conform to popular demands.
  2. Avoid becoming a junk food eater. It doesn’t mean that potato chips or potato fries are vegetable that you consider it as a primary food to your diet. That will put you in serious health problem.
  3. Eat vegetables or fresh fruits. When you want to become a vegetarian you have to eat vegetable or fruits and begin right now. You will not become a vegetarian by reading books on vegetables, right?
  4. Grow your own. Plant vegetables, herbs or fruits at your backyard. It saves you from expensive vegetables and ensures safety of food source. By planting your own, it compels you to stick to the discipline of your choice.
  5. Look forward to the health benefits. Do regular visit with your family doctor and observe the difference your lifestyle has brought you.
  6. Support Organic Product by Buying it. We have to be careful on the vegetables and fruits we are eating. They may be packed with process chemicals to maintain their freshness. Know how they plant and where they plant.

To become a vegetarian is not easy at all.

Do you have other tips to add on how to become a vegetarian?

8 Ways of Relaxation to Become Highly-performative at Work

The month of April and May is undeniably the summer season here in the Philippines. Hotels, beaches, inns, pension houses and airlines are fully booked. You can even notice the influx of tourists may it be local or from other countries in almost all tourists destinations. Beaches filled with people on their swim wear to cool off the summer heat and other basking under the heat of the sun. It is more fun indeed to rest and relax.

Other people find relaxing a waste of time. They always say that time is PRECIOUS, as if, every second you have to produce equivalent money in everything you do. There are times they equate loafing with lazy people who do not have anything to do or job to be done. This thought I think is dangerous to retain in our consciousness. And, this is what made Friedrich Nietzsche lament on what happening on old Europe that has become “ashamed of resting and prolonged reflection almost gives people a bad conscience.” Are we not becoming slave of our own work if we think of relaxing as a shame? Are we not so hard on ourselves?

As Randy David puts it, “Nietzsche lamented the fate of the modern slave trapped in the ferocity of daily work…The pursuit of work exhaust us so much . . . We lose the energy ‘esprit in conversation, and for any otium (leisure/joy) at all’.” Relaxing is not at all a waste of time. It is rather a time to re-generate, slow down, quite down and reload our emotional tanks and unloads the baggage’s that hinders us to be productive, effective and relational workers.

In one of the organizational retreat I attended, the speaker introduced 8 ways to relax which I want to share with you too. And these ways are very attainable even in a short span of rest.

a4ee63ebb4310659dc511aa22a1fa6a6
Unplug photo grabbed from Pinterest.
  1. Unplug from technology. Daily we are bombarded with all of this gadgetry in our lives. Cellphones, phones, internet, television are technologies that add up to the distracted life that we have. I bet no one among us, right now, can leave his or her house without his phone. Or even control oneself of not touching our phone for an hour. We are frantic about what’s happening in the web, the latest news, fashion trends, celebrity updates, trending issues and topics on Facebook, twitter and instagram. To be able to resist from technological gadgets, it frees us from being enslave with these gadgetry, we then have the time to be present at the moment and be mindful of ourselves. Then, we can have the luxury of time to ask ourselves, “How am I?”
img20170316173443-e1492570472591
Two men talking while taking a long walk.
  1. Take a long, slow walk outside. This is not a difficult task to do. It is also beneficial to health. Is it not boring and stressful if we stay in our office 8 hours a day, seven days a week? How relieving it is to be able to see new environment, new faces of people and new scenery. Walking helps us unload our emotions and clear up our minds of so many stressful issues that we have to face. Of course, walking cannot give us a direct solution but it provides a venue or space for us to re-strategize and relax. Too much of intellectual intelligence can lead also to insanity. Just a tip, when you notice nothing is coming out of your mind, start walking and simply exhale and inhale and see the scenery around. It helps getting your mind sane.
download (5)
Car on a long drive. (photo-grabbed from autoprotal.com)
  1. Take a long Drive somewhere you’ve never been before. You know why people travel away from their places they are leaving? Well, the answer is simple; it is because they wanted to widen their perspective in life at the same time to relax. Do you remember that saying, “Familiarity bridge contempt?” We might become close minded persons if we haven’t go out from our comfort zones. This could greatly affect our work performance and might have believed on standards that are already obsolete and needs updating. Do not think of driving a long way is tiring. Think that on that destination something spectacular will happen and could make difference in your life.
download (6)
Woman having a good massage. (photo credit to agricolaholistichealth.com)

 

  1. Get a massage. This I think is very relaxing. It softens your tightened muscles which had become stiff due to overwork and stress in your job. Although, it involves a little amount of money. If you search in the internet the healing power of touch, several books had been written to prove the claim of healing through touch. May be, you haven’t been touch by a fellow human being lately? Touch from other person can remind you that you are a human person.
images
Child having a long nap. (photo-grabbed from sleep.org)
  1. Take a long nap. What is the difference between a long nap and a nap? Well, they are both naps but a long nap is enough to power you up. When you are constantly facing a computer monitor and your eyes are already hurting and your eyelids are dropping, you have to take a long nap. To relax your eyes and re-charge. Have you know that there are countries that have nap time schedule within their work hours? It makes them productive and effective which restore energy, renew focus and improve mood. Japan implements power naps and Spain has siesta. Japan times posted, “power naps have become an accepted policy which many Japanese companies…which employees used to steal at coffee shops, on trains or wherever they could, are no longer being viewed as a sign of laziness or incompetence, but as an essential means of maintaining attention and performance at work.”
hispanic-woman-reading-book-under-tree
Woman reading book in the backyard. (photo-grabbed at var.ge)
  1. Go out in the yard with your favorite book. What? Wait…Is it not we are talking here of relaxation or loafing? Why read? Is it not thinking again and making yourself busy is occupied? Well, reading for some can be relaxing. It is their hobby and it releases the tensions that are within them when they read. Reading entertains them that are why they read their favorite book and that’s how they relax. To others, reading is not relaxing, that is why we cannot impose ways that that’s not work for you. Reading could help you become creative and imaginative which could help you in your work efficiency.
watching_the_sunset
Watching the sunset. (photo credit to verge)
  1. Watch the sun go down. This is what we call being mindful in the present. By becoming mindful, we become conscious of ourselves or our condition at the moment. It provide a space to self-introspect and re-evaluate things that had happened in the past hours, days, weeks, month and years. It slaps us the reality that life is fleeting and we ain’t growing younger. So, it is up to us to choose what life we want to reach and this could drive our purpose and passion in our work habit.

 

  1. Eat dinner (and drink beer) with intimate friend. To all food lovers, this rule is the best of how to become a high-performing person. As our energy depletes due to our hard work, we again eat to regain the energy and nutrients needed to better our work performance. But please, drink moderately. Too much eating and too much drinking could also lead to health problems.

 

It’s summer time, a time to relax. Makes sure to find time for you to loaf. And, visit the Philippines for the beautiful and enchanting places you can discover. And remember, as what Thomas Merton said, “Silence helps to draw together the scattered and dissipated energies of a fragmented existence. It helps us to concentrate on a purpose that really corresponds not only to the deeper needs of our own being but also to God’s intentions for us.”

download (4)